Teachers wants to know if any of the guys have been smoking.
Vincent: No, mam. I just pass my smoking skills to those who pay the bills. Am a tea-totaller.
Natty: I warned Warne. He agreed. Issued statements. And could not control his urge. Am now trying to control my urge to .... smoke him out.
Musten: Cigar is what I like best. Those interested in something that burns long, would be cut short.
Don: Fumigation of lungs mam. I do it in 'moderation'
Rajesh R: Oxygen is life. Can you live without breath.
~~~~~
The Most Romantic Way to Make Love
Vince Style: "outsource it, and sit back with a beer and popcorn and watch the cricket on telly:D:D "
Musten Style: " pink satin sheets...strawberry cream...pink kohinoor....and in tune to the music of 'Return of the Pink Panther' "
Natty Style: In the 'members' enclosure at Lord's, following their hallowed undress code to the 'hilt' :-))
DON Style: make her lie down...pou rum all over her...lick it all off...and send the b---h to go get more rum
Cornflake Gal: "with the right 'lyrix' playing in the background ( ouch..ouch...guys u pliss ask her what it means b4 i get scalped)
~~~~~~~~
BOIL
Anu teacher walks in and says - Am told someone gots a boil? Who is it?
DON (In a pained voice): Ahhh, Maaam, Yeah, I got one.
VINCENT: Mam, to change from a liquid to a gaseous state, producing bubbles of gas that rise to the surface of the liquid, agitating it as they rise.
YAMINI: Boil two cups of water...
ANU TEACHER: Yamini, I dont want you to get real!
YAMINI: OK,
SHALAKA:I wanna explain but "The kettle is boiling. The vegetables are boiling."
NATTY: One boils when the form of Sehwag is compared with Robin, you know why.
RAJESH R: Returning from his latest client meet - "The sea boiled in the storm and was called Tusnami, am tempted on my own ISMS: No.. thats not me.. ITS RAJESH SAAR!!
~~~~~~~~
MEHFILS
Anu Teacher - What is this MEHFIL going on in Delhi?... and that gayfil in Bangalore?
Tasneem: Protest Protest, (ties a black band on her arm) cheating cheating
Yamini: I heard, there's only GAYFIL on nukkad and it happens in Bangalore. I support Tasneem.
Gurpreet: Uh, Tasneem, Yamini, you gals were never my friends, you dont know, but I organised Mehfil secretly with Vijay Nair and Amrit.
*The whole class looks at the trio in last bench*
Amrit: Why you guys suddenly looking at me. I was part of this class for so many days.
Ashwath (with a sweet smile) - No worry Amrit, am here with my Murali. And no one beats my choice of venue. I take a U turn to be with you and not the moderators of Nukkad.
Vincent: You mean Nukkad mixers without me? See you in the club Ashwath.. I thought you are friends and you ditched me.
Natty (gettin restless): You peepals are getting too personal. Let me tell you, when you have a team of fifteen guys selected to live on beautiful carry-bean islands, with beauuuttiiifffull glass, sowrie, girls, the point of view will change na!
Pradeep (Paddy) - Panditji, aap aaj class le rahe ho, hum le kya.
Vijay Nair: Meri khwaish hai, yeh case yahin radd kiya jaye.
Musten: radd.. what is radd.. red or no red. lets have a discussion on whether red or radd.
Ashwath 'Muralidhar' starts playing a tune on his flute - a mix of godfather and lady in red.
Don: Yeh raddi aur radd karne ki baat, tells me one thing - Gimme Red (jumps for his bottle of OM).
Anu Teacher - Yeh Lo, Baat thi mehfil ki, aur sab log OOMMMMM - meditation arne lage!
~~~~~~
Oct 28, 2007
Crazy Boys At Achool 3
Bolon bachchon, says the teacher. What is URANUS
Vince: Thats the planet in the solar system which we are unable to see with naked eye as yet.
Musten the prankseter: Eh No Vincy, its that ugly girl who joined the class and we know shes URs all the time.
*Vince gets furious*
Natty (idiots these guys expression): Its a "cold" ball that a bowler bowls from really off the stumps when he is bored of crciket him self. It does not reach the batsman and drops dead in the middle of pitch.
Don: Eh no guys, take a mirror, pull the pants down, put the mirror below, lift your leg and your can see UR-Anus.
Rajesh R: Donny, pull up your pants, tighten up your belt, we know U R an ASS
~~~~~~~~
Have you visited a Bank? What was your experience.
Vince: Yes, I was delighted that the dollars were wired.
Yamini: Nah, I trade in bullions... not cash!
Rhea: Yes, and the guys there are horrible. They gave a statement that looked like a non-veg platter - so many fish, chicken and mutton purchases on it!!
Natty: Yes, and they said, now we deliver latest updates on SMS.
Musten: No, I was with my... eh... er.. *looks around the class* do I have to name her.
Don: Yes, I know the Bunk-ing experience, I know, I know. (makes a gesture of drinking something and being on high)
Rajesh: Teacher, isn't that present tense of bunk. I want to experince it too. *Winks at gals, gets ready to move out of classroom*
Anshie: Cheating, Cheating, Cheating...
~~~~~~
Teacher: Who has the most creative idea on Nukkad
Aa@rti: I started Twist and Tumble, without thinking, but lotsa creative people crashing into each other mam!
Rajesh R: Talking about crashes, I turned from right to left, not politically, physically. My vote is still with Nukkad... aah!!
Natty: There are so many batsmen and bowlers who are so crafty. Like lyke.. he is the best till date and the world and nukkad has to discover him NOW.
Vince: IC, my next story will be an reveal all.
Rhea: No Vince, please do not reveal the secret of my recipies. Kurush will kill me.
Lapsi: Mam, am more creative than Rhea. She cooks and then delivers. And me, delivers and then cooks.
Class looks at Lapsi, and clarifies - I meant creativity in serving foods. I take left overs from Rhea and rest whatever, I ask my maid to cook.
Yamini: Oh Lapsi, that's why you are not on the cover of my magazine. OK. The latest Portugese restaurant I went to review, methinks, it was the most genuine Portugese food. Creative display, but who cares, I had a nice dinner.
Shalaka: Yamini asked me review the Belgaum Kunda, but DON ate it even before I could open my tiffin. :((.
Teacher: But what's creative about it.
Shalaka: I taught entire Belgaum how to survive on Kunda when there is no rain. Now, they have now desrted me. Please mam, register a complain.
Amit (Rain Man): No worry Shalaka, its DRY RAIN in India also. We look up, soak the bright sunlight, enjoy the heat, and call it DRY RAIN. And DRY ICE is also being manufactured here now.
Venkat Iyengar - But it was supposed to COLOURED ICE not DRY. I painted them CUZ..
Vijay Nair: Bhai, thand rakh, Be cool. creativity is mehfooz with me.
Kunal: My only homework is to make designs. But, dekho itna design banaya, mera homepage bhi ulta ho gaya. lekin, teacher keeps saying, YE ULTA KYUN HAI!!
Gurdeep: Chup kar rona Kunal. Hanu ki dress aur 'mala' dekh, my idea is best!
Musten: Mala, kahan hai yeh bala. Mujhe nahi dikh rahi. I want one for my next play
Tasneem: Muah, mujhe dekhta nahin, aur bala chahiye. Am I not the heroie of you next play?
Teacher: Yeah kaisa school hai
Aswath: I wil play the entire story on my fulte mam.
Sandip Kundu (makes a small noise) Flu - ooooooh - twoooo
Mukesh Tanwani (roaring): get into me car and I will show ya creativty. I have discovered new ways to drive it over pedestrian and yet avoid them, politicians, and yet avoid them, policemen, and yet avoide them - writing a book on 101 ways to avoid police.
DON - Why am I exempt from this game :((
~~~~~
Vince: Thats the planet in the solar system which we are unable to see with naked eye as yet.
Musten the prankseter: Eh No Vincy, its that ugly girl who joined the class and we know shes URs all the time.
*Vince gets furious*
Natty (idiots these guys expression): Its a "cold" ball that a bowler bowls from really off the stumps when he is bored of crciket him self. It does not reach the batsman and drops dead in the middle of pitch.
Don: Eh no guys, take a mirror, pull the pants down, put the mirror below, lift your leg and your can see UR-Anus.
Rajesh R: Donny, pull up your pants, tighten up your belt, we know U R an ASS
~~~~~~~~
Have you visited a Bank? What was your experience.
Vince: Yes, I was delighted that the dollars were wired.
Yamini: Nah, I trade in bullions... not cash!
Rhea: Yes, and the guys there are horrible. They gave a statement that looked like a non-veg platter - so many fish, chicken and mutton purchases on it!!
Natty: Yes, and they said, now we deliver latest updates on SMS.
Musten: No, I was with my... eh... er.. *looks around the class* do I have to name her.
Don: Yes, I know the Bunk-ing experience, I know, I know. (makes a gesture of drinking something and being on high)
Rajesh: Teacher, isn't that present tense of bunk. I want to experince it too. *Winks at gals, gets ready to move out of classroom*
Anshie: Cheating, Cheating, Cheating...
~~~~~~
Teacher: Who has the most creative idea on Nukkad
Aa@rti: I started Twist and Tumble, without thinking, but lotsa creative people crashing into each other mam!
Rajesh R: Talking about crashes, I turned from right to left, not politically, physically. My vote is still with Nukkad... aah!!
Natty: There are so many batsmen and bowlers who are so crafty. Like lyke.. he is the best till date and the world and nukkad has to discover him NOW.
Vince: IC, my next story will be an reveal all.
Rhea: No Vince, please do not reveal the secret of my recipies. Kurush will kill me.
Lapsi: Mam, am more creative than Rhea. She cooks and then delivers. And me, delivers and then cooks.
Class looks at Lapsi, and clarifies - I meant creativity in serving foods. I take left overs from Rhea and rest whatever, I ask my maid to cook.
Yamini: Oh Lapsi, that's why you are not on the cover of my magazine. OK. The latest Portugese restaurant I went to review, methinks, it was the most genuine Portugese food. Creative display, but who cares, I had a nice dinner.
Shalaka: Yamini asked me review the Belgaum Kunda, but DON ate it even before I could open my tiffin. :((.
Teacher: But what's creative about it.
Shalaka: I taught entire Belgaum how to survive on Kunda when there is no rain. Now, they have now desrted me. Please mam, register a complain.
Amit (Rain Man): No worry Shalaka, its DRY RAIN in India also. We look up, soak the bright sunlight, enjoy the heat, and call it DRY RAIN. And DRY ICE is also being manufactured here now.
Venkat Iyengar - But it was supposed to COLOURED ICE not DRY. I painted them CUZ..
Vijay Nair: Bhai, thand rakh, Be cool. creativity is mehfooz with me.
Kunal: My only homework is to make designs. But, dekho itna design banaya, mera homepage bhi ulta ho gaya. lekin, teacher keeps saying, YE ULTA KYUN HAI!!
Gurdeep: Chup kar rona Kunal. Hanu ki dress aur 'mala' dekh, my idea is best!
Musten: Mala, kahan hai yeh bala. Mujhe nahi dikh rahi. I want one for my next play
Tasneem: Muah, mujhe dekhta nahin, aur bala chahiye. Am I not the heroie of you next play?
Teacher: Yeah kaisa school hai
Aswath: I wil play the entire story on my fulte mam.
Sandip Kundu (makes a small noise) Flu - ooooooh - twoooo
Mukesh Tanwani (roaring): get into me car and I will show ya creativty. I have discovered new ways to drive it over pedestrian and yet avoid them, politicians, and yet avoid them, policemen, and yet avoide them - writing a book on 101 ways to avoid police.
DON - Why am I exempt from this game :((
~~~~~
Crazy Boys At School 2
The teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Don raised his hand and said, "Madam, I would like to have gold, because, its lotsa money and is the same colour as my favourite drink. I can buy a supply of a lifetime!"
Rajesh R sneers, "I would want diamonds, because its worth more than gold and diamonds are a woman's best friend." The teacher smiled.
Vince, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold or diamond and I could buy a BPO." The teacher smiled again.
Musten stood up and said, "I would want Silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Musten?"
"Because my neighbour has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside his neighbourhood!"
~~~~~~~~
As the class was going on, some said OM... and there apeared Yaksha!! The one who asked questions to the pandava's eons ago, and for some 'godly' reasons, had descend on to this crazy boys school!!
Yaksha: Who helps the sun to ascend (rise)? Who moves around it? Who sets the sun? Where is the sun established?
Natty: I know you are talking about Sachin. He fixed everything already. We will fix you too.
Rajesh R: Are we talking about Sunny - Sunil Gavaskar!!
Yaksha: Bad boy Natty and Rajesh.. How does a man become 'Shrotriya' (One who studied the vedas)? How does he attain greatness? Who is man's second companion? How does a man become intelligent?
Musten: Narayana, Naryana, I am shroitriya. I give gyan, people give hits on my home page and attain greatness. My second companion, (looks around to find Tasneem blushing) and the answer is 'understood'). I also ask old-people to just give hits and make no comments.
Yaksha: What is 'divinity' in the brahmins? What is the quality like a virtuous person in him? What is his human-like quality? What is the conduct like a non-virtuous person in him?
Anu: The self-study of the Vedas is the divinity in the brahmin. Penance is the quality like a virtuous person in him. Death is human like. Condeming others is his conduct like a non-virtuous person.
Vince: What about me Sumanth??
Anu: What you, and pinches his arm!!
Yaksha: Keep quite Vince & Anu. What is the divinity in a Kshatriya? What is the quality like a virtuous person in him? What is his human like quality? What is the conduct like a non-virtuous person in him?
Lapsi: The art of shooting PMs or members out of Nukkad is the divinity called Kshatriya like ME. Oblation is the quality like a virtuous person in me, Fearing me is a human like quality of yours.
Yaksha: Stop getting aggressive Lapsi. Now, What is that object which is like a song in the performance of oblations (Yagya)? Who is the performer of religious rites during oblations? What is that object which accepts oblation? What is that which even (Yagya) can not transgress?
Vijay Nair: 'Breath' (Life) is like a song in the performance of oblation (Yagya). 'Mind' is the performer of religious rites during oblations. Only aphorism of the Veda (richa) accepts oblation. It is richa which even oblation can not transgress. And the Laws prrove it!!
Musten: When did richa join this class??
Yaksha: Vijay, keep your lawlessness away and Musten, stop flirting arounf. Next questions - What is the most important thing for a person engaged in agriculture? What is the best thing for a person wanting to 'Sow'? What is best for an honourable prosperous man? What is best for a person having desire of an off spring?
DON: The best culture theses days is agriculture. No Prank this, but am going to practice it straight away, after leaving this school. Rain, Seed and 'Sowing' the cows is the best says wikipedia. A 'Son' is best for a person having desire of an off spring - mean from cow.
Class laughs as DON looks around!!
Yaksha: Who is not alive inspite of being intelligent, honourable among the people, respected by men, who even enjoys the sensual pleasures and breaths?
Anu: Vince!
Vince: *Trying to hide his face*
Yaksha: What is heavier than the earth? What is higher even than the Sky? What is faster even than the wind? What are innumerable than the straws?
Shalaka - Joy it is! Heavier than the earth, cant lift him and its faster than golf balls.
Yaksha : Who keeps his eyes open even during his sleep? Who does not make an effort even after taking birth? Who is devoid of a heart? Who increases by force?
DON: Can we put Sudheendra, the most eligble boy, here!!
Yaksha asked: Who moves around alone? Who has a rebirth after his first birth? What is the medicine for cold? What has the greatest area?
Pallavi Bhatttacharya: I move around alone. I set questions after questions. The medicine for cold is in the 'day of the year' list. Who has the greatest area is my next question!
Yaksha asked: What is the thing which after abandoning a man becomes dear? What is the thing, which after abandoning a man does not become sorrowful? What is the thing after abandoning which a man becomes wealthy? What is the thing after abandoning which a man becomes joyous?
DON: The girl friend.
~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: OK children, I will give you one half of a proverb and you people have to come up with the rest.
Teacher: People in glass houses shouldn't
Don: Drink Rum.
Teacher gives an angry look...
Don: Sorry mam, it should be "People in glass houses shouldn't run around naked."
Teacher: Your first warning. If you answer again, I will throw you out of the class.
Teacher looks around the class to ensure the message is clear to all.
Teacher: Next proverb - Strike while the
Natty: WHile the ball is rising.
Teacher - This is not a cricket class...
Anshie shouts - I know I know
Teacher: OK, Anshie, tell
Anshie: Strike while the bug is close.
Teacher: What a crazy class, do you people ever study anything? Now, all will get only one chance and you are out! Understood, Next questions - Better to be safe than...
Natty: Punch the 10th grader.
Teacher is fuming. Tells natty to leave the class. Natty, nodding innocently, "This is not fair. I did not speak about cricket. It was boxing this time."
Teacher: Vince, good boy, tell me - It's always darkest before...
Vince: Daylight savings time.
Teacher, being cosiderate: you get one extra chance, becuase this is India and not the US. Complete this, "Where there is smoke, there is...
Vince: Pollution.
Teacher - aaargh, go out a kneel down. These guys are bunch of jokers. I want the girls to answer now. You can't teach an old dog...
Rajesh R: Maths
Teacher, pulling her hair: Girls I said.
Rajesh: Sorry mam
Aarti: I love dogs, can I answer the next one please.
Teacher: Good Aarti, (goes through the book looking for another proverb on dog), Now, complete this, If you lie down with dogs, you...
Aarti: Will stink in the morning.
Aarti becomes the first girl to leave. The girls feel sad.
Yamini: I will answer the next question mam. Can we get Aarti back if I give you the right answer.
Teacher: OK Yamini, else, you join her outside. Now complete "No news is.."
Yamini (jaw drops): Impossible!
Teacher screaming - OOOOUUTTTTT
Yamini: I only meant you will favour the girls and give an easier one...
Teacher: Next one... You can lead a horse to water but
Rajesh R: how?
Teacher: Dont say how, I want an answer Rajesh.
Rajesh (thinking if the answer was wrong, scratches his hairs): Sorry Mam, I forgot
Teacher: OK, another one, Don't change horses
Rajesh Jumps: Until they stop running.
Teacher can't believe this. throw the book to the ground and sits back in her chair. Tasneem and Shalaka bring water. She relaxes a bit, and tells Tasneem to continue the proverb session.
Tasneem: Don't bite the hand that
Musten: looks dirty.
Tasneem looks at teacher. Teacher makes a gesture to continue. Musten is very excited to give the nest answer.
Tasneem: A miss is as good as a
Musten: Mister
Tasneem looks at teacher again. The teacher gestures Musten to leave the class. Tasneem is disappointed.
Tasneem: Can we give him one more chance mam.
Teacher, totally resigned, nods. Musten is happy and does a Hi5 with Tasneem. Teacher gives a disgusting look.
Tasneem: Happy is the bride who
Musten: Gets all the presents.
Teacher gets up: Enough is enough. You rogue, leave the class now and bring in your mother tomorrow.
Teacher snatches the book from Tasneem Next question: OK, whoever left, The pen is mightier than
Tasneem, gives a wide grin and: The pigs... (and runs out of class, kneels down next to Musten and gives another Hi5) Musten grinning: "Our plan worked, now, we can spend some time out of the boring class"
Teacher: An idle mind is
Shalaka: The best way to relax. (and walks out herself)
Teacher: A penny saved is
Rhea: not enough.
Teacher, with Jaw dropped: Rhea, you too!! With this crazy bunch of guys and gals... aaargh... call you mom tomorrow. Hmmm.. make it now...
Teacher looks around the class... Only Don and Anshie left...
Teacher: Don, how come you are still in the class.
Don: You never appreciate my answers. So, am not talking. Am not answering.
Teacher looks at Anshie: OK Anshie complete this, Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..
Anshie: you have to blow your nose.
Teacher: One last chance for you Anshie... Children should be seen and not
Anshie: Spanked or grounded.
Teacher, resigned look, hands barely lifting, gestures Anshie out.
Teacher looks at Don: Better late than...
Don: Am not answering!! Put a finger on his lips.
Teacher: I repeat, Better late than,
Don: OK, Musten told me once about this one - it goes. Better late than get pregnant.
Teacher faints....
~~~~~~~~
Teacher: If you have 12 Chocolates, and you give
5 to Leena
3 to Teena
4 to Meena
then whom much do you get.
VINCE: Not fair, why should all chocolates go to girls
MUSTEN: I get three girl friends
NATTY: Going by the scores on the board, it looks like the entire team is out, but how come even the 12th man got a chance?
RAJESH R: The Girrrls do make an interseting proposition, but its still mathematics dammmit.
DON: If they are rum chocolates, I would keep them all.
~~~~~~~~~
Ahhh.. the teacher is here... and she has posed a question!! Let the kids answers.
Anu: What is a washing machine.
Vince: That thing at home which is used to wash clothes... and undergarments as well. *smiles*
Musten: (trying to remember) What..She...Machine..!!! Yes madame, she is there in my next play. And she grinds so well!
Amit: (jumps) Wow, Singing Machine?? But, am happy with Bansoori, never liked the techno instruments. Danda bahut hai.
Natty: (relaxed) When the stakes are high, Dawood calls Sangeeta, and she orders Ajju to wash the machine. After that, no evidence of match fixing is found.
Rajesh R: (interpreting) Madame, wah's in mach these days are not in. they are out. These days, people talk about mach +
DON: Wah kya machine. Daag achche hain.
Don raised his hand and said, "Madam, I would like to have gold, because, its lotsa money and is the same colour as my favourite drink. I can buy a supply of a lifetime!"
Rajesh R sneers, "I would want diamonds, because its worth more than gold and diamonds are a woman's best friend." The teacher smiled.
Vince, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold or diamond and I could buy a BPO." The teacher smiled again.
Musten stood up and said, "I would want Silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Musten?"
"Because my neighbour has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside his neighbourhood!"
~~~~~~~~
As the class was going on, some said OM... and there apeared Yaksha!! The one who asked questions to the pandava's eons ago, and for some 'godly' reasons, had descend on to this crazy boys school!!
Yaksha: Who helps the sun to ascend (rise)? Who moves around it? Who sets the sun? Where is the sun established?
Natty: I know you are talking about Sachin. He fixed everything already. We will fix you too.
Rajesh R: Are we talking about Sunny - Sunil Gavaskar!!
Yaksha: Bad boy Natty and Rajesh.. How does a man become 'Shrotriya' (One who studied the vedas)? How does he attain greatness? Who is man's second companion? How does a man become intelligent?
Musten: Narayana, Naryana, I am shroitriya. I give gyan, people give hits on my home page and attain greatness. My second companion, (looks around to find Tasneem blushing) and the answer is 'understood'). I also ask old-people to just give hits and make no comments.
Yaksha: What is 'divinity' in the brahmins? What is the quality like a virtuous person in him? What is his human-like quality? What is the conduct like a non-virtuous person in him?
Anu: The self-study of the Vedas is the divinity in the brahmin. Penance is the quality like a virtuous person in him. Death is human like. Condeming others is his conduct like a non-virtuous person.
Vince: What about me Sumanth??
Anu: What you, and pinches his arm!!
Yaksha: Keep quite Vince & Anu. What is the divinity in a Kshatriya? What is the quality like a virtuous person in him? What is his human like quality? What is the conduct like a non-virtuous person in him?
Lapsi: The art of shooting PMs or members out of Nukkad is the divinity called Kshatriya like ME. Oblation is the quality like a virtuous person in me, Fearing me is a human like quality of yours.
Yaksha: Stop getting aggressive Lapsi. Now, What is that object which is like a song in the performance of oblations (Yagya)? Who is the performer of religious rites during oblations? What is that object which accepts oblation? What is that which even (Yagya) can not transgress?
Vijay Nair: 'Breath' (Life) is like a song in the performance of oblation (Yagya). 'Mind' is the performer of religious rites during oblations. Only aphorism of the Veda (richa) accepts oblation. It is richa which even oblation can not transgress. And the Laws prrove it!!
Musten: When did richa join this class??
Yaksha: Vijay, keep your lawlessness away and Musten, stop flirting arounf. Next questions - What is the most important thing for a person engaged in agriculture? What is the best thing for a person wanting to 'Sow'? What is best for an honourable prosperous man? What is best for a person having desire of an off spring?
DON: The best culture theses days is agriculture. No Prank this, but am going to practice it straight away, after leaving this school. Rain, Seed and 'Sowing' the cows is the best says wikipedia. A 'Son' is best for a person having desire of an off spring - mean from cow.
Class laughs as DON looks around!!
Yaksha: Who is not alive inspite of being intelligent, honourable among the people, respected by men, who even enjoys the sensual pleasures and breaths?
Anu: Vince!
Vince: *Trying to hide his face*
Yaksha: What is heavier than the earth? What is higher even than the Sky? What is faster even than the wind? What are innumerable than the straws?
Shalaka - Joy it is! Heavier than the earth, cant lift him and its faster than golf balls.
Yaksha : Who keeps his eyes open even during his sleep? Who does not make an effort even after taking birth? Who is devoid of a heart? Who increases by force?
DON: Can we put Sudheendra, the most eligble boy, here!!
Yaksha asked: Who moves around alone? Who has a rebirth after his first birth? What is the medicine for cold? What has the greatest area?
Pallavi Bhatttacharya: I move around alone. I set questions after questions. The medicine for cold is in the 'day of the year' list. Who has the greatest area is my next question!
Yaksha asked: What is the thing which after abandoning a man becomes dear? What is the thing, which after abandoning a man does not become sorrowful? What is the thing after abandoning which a man becomes wealthy? What is the thing after abandoning which a man becomes joyous?
DON: The girl friend.
~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: OK children, I will give you one half of a proverb and you people have to come up with the rest.
Teacher: People in glass houses shouldn't
Don: Drink Rum.
Teacher gives an angry look...
Don: Sorry mam, it should be "People in glass houses shouldn't run around naked."
Teacher: Your first warning. If you answer again, I will throw you out of the class.
Teacher looks around the class to ensure the message is clear to all.
Teacher: Next proverb - Strike while the
Natty: WHile the ball is rising.
Teacher - This is not a cricket class...
Anshie shouts - I know I know
Teacher: OK, Anshie, tell
Anshie: Strike while the bug is close.
Teacher: What a crazy class, do you people ever study anything? Now, all will get only one chance and you are out! Understood, Next questions - Better to be safe than...
Natty: Punch the 10th grader.
Teacher is fuming. Tells natty to leave the class. Natty, nodding innocently, "This is not fair. I did not speak about cricket. It was boxing this time."
Teacher: Vince, good boy, tell me - It's always darkest before...
Vince: Daylight savings time.
Teacher, being cosiderate: you get one extra chance, becuase this is India and not the US. Complete this, "Where there is smoke, there is...
Vince: Pollution.
Teacher - aaargh, go out a kneel down. These guys are bunch of jokers. I want the girls to answer now. You can't teach an old dog...
Rajesh R: Maths
Teacher, pulling her hair: Girls I said.
Rajesh: Sorry mam
Aarti: I love dogs, can I answer the next one please.
Teacher: Good Aarti, (goes through the book looking for another proverb on dog), Now, complete this, If you lie down with dogs, you...
Aarti: Will stink in the morning.
Aarti becomes the first girl to leave. The girls feel sad.
Yamini: I will answer the next question mam. Can we get Aarti back if I give you the right answer.
Teacher: OK Yamini, else, you join her outside. Now complete "No news is.."
Yamini (jaw drops): Impossible!
Teacher screaming - OOOOUUTTTTT
Yamini: I only meant you will favour the girls and give an easier one...
Teacher: Next one... You can lead a horse to water but
Rajesh R: how?
Teacher: Dont say how, I want an answer Rajesh.
Rajesh (thinking if the answer was wrong, scratches his hairs): Sorry Mam, I forgot
Teacher: OK, another one, Don't change horses
Rajesh Jumps: Until they stop running.
Teacher can't believe this. throw the book to the ground and sits back in her chair. Tasneem and Shalaka bring water. She relaxes a bit, and tells Tasneem to continue the proverb session.
Tasneem: Don't bite the hand that
Musten: looks dirty.
Tasneem looks at teacher. Teacher makes a gesture to continue. Musten is very excited to give the nest answer.
Tasneem: A miss is as good as a
Musten: Mister
Tasneem looks at teacher again. The teacher gestures Musten to leave the class. Tasneem is disappointed.
Tasneem: Can we give him one more chance mam.
Teacher, totally resigned, nods. Musten is happy and does a Hi5 with Tasneem. Teacher gives a disgusting look.
Tasneem: Happy is the bride who
Musten: Gets all the presents.
Teacher gets up: Enough is enough. You rogue, leave the class now and bring in your mother tomorrow.
Teacher snatches the book from Tasneem Next question: OK, whoever left, The pen is mightier than
Tasneem, gives a wide grin and: The pigs... (and runs out of class, kneels down next to Musten and gives another Hi5) Musten grinning: "Our plan worked, now, we can spend some time out of the boring class"
Teacher: An idle mind is
Shalaka: The best way to relax. (and walks out herself)
Teacher: A penny saved is
Rhea: not enough.
Teacher, with Jaw dropped: Rhea, you too!! With this crazy bunch of guys and gals... aaargh... call you mom tomorrow. Hmmm.. make it now...
Teacher looks around the class... Only Don and Anshie left...
Teacher: Don, how come you are still in the class.
Don: You never appreciate my answers. So, am not talking. Am not answering.
Teacher looks at Anshie: OK Anshie complete this, Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..
Anshie: you have to blow your nose.
Teacher: One last chance for you Anshie... Children should be seen and not
Anshie: Spanked or grounded.
Teacher, resigned look, hands barely lifting, gestures Anshie out.
Teacher looks at Don: Better late than...
Don: Am not answering!! Put a finger on his lips.
Teacher: I repeat, Better late than,
Don: OK, Musten told me once about this one - it goes. Better late than get pregnant.
Teacher faints....
~~~~~~~~
Teacher: If you have 12 Chocolates, and you give
5 to Leena
3 to Teena
4 to Meena
then whom much do you get.
VINCE: Not fair, why should all chocolates go to girls
MUSTEN: I get three girl friends
NATTY: Going by the scores on the board, it looks like the entire team is out, but how come even the 12th man got a chance?
RAJESH R: The Girrrls do make an interseting proposition, but its still mathematics dammmit.
DON: If they are rum chocolates, I would keep them all.
~~~~~~~~~
Ahhh.. the teacher is here... and she has posed a question!! Let the kids answers.
Anu: What is a washing machine.
Vince: That thing at home which is used to wash clothes... and undergarments as well. *smiles*
Musten: (trying to remember) What..She...Machine..!!! Yes madame, she is there in my next play. And she grinds so well!
Amit: (jumps) Wow, Singing Machine?? But, am happy with Bansoori, never liked the techno instruments. Danda bahut hai.
Natty: (relaxed) When the stakes are high, Dawood calls Sangeeta, and she orders Ajju to wash the machine. After that, no evidence of match fixing is found.
Rajesh R: (interpreting) Madame, wah's in mach these days are not in. they are out. These days, people talk about mach +
DON: Wah kya machine. Daag achche hain.
Crazy Boys at School 1
Ah Merlin, Dont tell me Don's gonna have a special apearance!!
Teacher - Who's DON and how do you catch him
MUSTEN - Leads a gang who demands money from me to host plays! And is a pain in you know... aaah, Ignore.
RAJESH - I had an identity crisis because of this devil. Wanna capture him, in films. You got claws, eh clues?
NATTY - He slipped, was a bad catch anyways!
VINCE - You never knew the catch. I call him officially on Nukkad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher - What are the seven wonders of this world. OK, one by one...
Vincent: "The Chain Smoker's Triglycerides" - its the story of wonderful Diana-Sore who smoked pot and had seven sibblings that ruled the earth!
Musten: "Beat-Over-Oven" - most celebrated song in the kitchen. You beat the eggs, over and over again and then put them to oven. What music - drrrring, draaang, and fluff fluff!!
Amit: "Saat-Asur-Kul-Karni": - at every music session he has to deal with 7 demons, with no karma of his own!
Teacher - "The Chain Smoker's Triglycerides", "Saat-Asur" and "Beat-Over-Oven" what are these!!
Class - ha ha ha ha ha,
Teacher (Embarrassed with the new WONDERS" ) - What is the fourth one..
Chautha Vijay Nair - You dont know madame still???
Pancham Lapsi - *performs a bird dance* and shouts, "chat room mein milte hain. main uda"
Teacher - You scoundrel, get up and let me know what's going on.
SAAAAARI - DON - Madame, since rajesh saar is not there, am just supporting him - smacks his lips and shouts - order confirmed.
Shankar - Thanks Don, it was quicker than my own gooogly. But yeah, if the pitch is straight, am willing to put my bouncers!! Game buddy?
(AT THIS NATTY SCREAMS - BOYS IF YOU HAVE DECIDED, AM GOING BACK, I DONT WRITE ON SUCH SCANDALS)
Vince: Don't worry, cricket lovers like Natty are now being converted to sports lovers at SportsHut now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the graduation ceremony. The school had invited all the parents and Alumni and every generations is sharing their experiences. The current students and Alumni are called to speak out what they learnt through the year in one statement...
Some of the responses
VINCY, THE SCHOOL CAPTAIN @ (Age unrevealed, cuz he wants to be captain all his life) - *Does a 'Vincie' jig and screams* GALZ N BOYZ - Time Gets Better With Age
BABY SUZZANE @ Age 5 - I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings "Silent Night".
AA@RTI @ Age 7 - I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.
RESHMI SARKAR @ Age 12- I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.
HALIMA SURIYA @ 15 - I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back - *THIS LOOKS SO INDIAN*.
CHEERFUL @ 18 - I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
RAJESH R @ 20 - I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
CNB Age 22 - I've learned that silence is a company,
.ANI The Virus @ *&&^^% - I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.
ANSHIE @ 25 - I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
SUMA @ 27 - I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must drive faster so that no one will believe it.
LAPSI KAKA @ 29 - I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. AM THE BEST DRIVER IN THE WORLD.. :DDDD
AMIT KULKARNI - RAINMAN @ 31 - I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
DON @ 33 - I've learned that someone should post this on jokes thread. Sometimes peepals just need a little smile.
MANISH LAPSIWALA @ 35 - I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.
VIJAY NAYAK @ 40 - I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.
MUSTEN @ 42 - I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
NATTY @ 42 - I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
RAVINDER BHAN @ 62 I've learned that there are so many people I love dearly but they just don't know how to show it like I can!.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The school now sends the homework over e-mails. And as the children planned there summer vacations, they came up with innovative out-of-home Auto Responses to avoid any homework.
Vince: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of home. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
Rajesh R: Your message has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. A crate of ginger beer can make the mail jump 24 paces.
Musten: I've run away to join a different circus that has some new female Monkeys
CNB: I'm not really out of home. I'm just ignoring you.
Anshie: Sorry to have missed you but I am getting brain transplant done so that I can straight-away go to college.
Karana: Thanks for the recipe that you have sent. I will cook up something and revert.
Shalu: Silence... I Write
Yamini: I am currently out of country and will reply if I fail to get admission outside India.
.ani: Your computer is infected by the .ani virus and therefore, my server is unable to verify message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
Viji: Please sms all your messages to 9812345670
Don: Hi. I'm meditating over what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for the response.
Vijay Nair: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Asheeth: Noted the content of your mail. Am busy preparing my own set of questions.
Merlin: I will be out of home for the next 2 months for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Merlin - The Man' instead!
Teacher - Who's DON and how do you catch him
MUSTEN - Leads a gang who demands money from me to host plays! And is a pain in you know... aaah, Ignore.
RAJESH - I had an identity crisis because of this devil. Wanna capture him, in films. You got claws, eh clues?
NATTY - He slipped, was a bad catch anyways!
VINCE - You never knew the catch. I call him officially on Nukkad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher - What are the seven wonders of this world. OK, one by one...
Vincent: "The Chain Smoker's Triglycerides" - its the story of wonderful Diana-Sore who smoked pot and had seven sibblings that ruled the earth!
Musten: "Beat-Over-Oven" - most celebrated song in the kitchen. You beat the eggs, over and over again and then put them to oven. What music - drrrring, draaang, and fluff fluff!!
Amit: "Saat-Asur-Kul-Karni": - at every music session he has to deal with 7 demons, with no karma of his own!
Teacher - "The Chain Smoker's Triglycerides", "Saat-Asur" and "Beat-Over-Oven" what are these!!
Class - ha ha ha ha ha,
Teacher (Embarrassed with the new WONDERS" ) - What is the fourth one..
Chautha Vijay Nair - You dont know madame still???
Pancham Lapsi - *performs a bird dance* and shouts, "chat room mein milte hain. main uda"
Teacher - You scoundrel, get up and let me know what's going on.
SAAAAARI - DON - Madame, since rajesh saar is not there, am just supporting him - smacks his lips and shouts - order confirmed.
Shankar - Thanks Don, it was quicker than my own gooogly. But yeah, if the pitch is straight, am willing to put my bouncers!! Game buddy?
(AT THIS NATTY SCREAMS - BOYS IF YOU HAVE DECIDED, AM GOING BACK, I DONT WRITE ON SUCH SCANDALS)
Vince: Don't worry, cricket lovers like Natty are now being converted to sports lovers at SportsHut now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the graduation ceremony. The school had invited all the parents and Alumni and every generations is sharing their experiences. The current students and Alumni are called to speak out what they learnt through the year in one statement...
Some of the responses
VINCY, THE SCHOOL CAPTAIN @ (Age unrevealed, cuz he wants to be captain all his life) - *Does a 'Vincie' jig and screams* GALZ N BOYZ - Time Gets Better With Age
BABY SUZZANE @ Age 5 - I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings "Silent Night".
AA@RTI @ Age 7 - I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.
RESHMI SARKAR @ Age 12- I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.
HALIMA SURIYA @ 15 - I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back - *THIS LOOKS SO INDIAN*.
CHEERFUL @ 18 - I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
RAJESH R @ 20 - I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
CNB Age 22 - I've learned that silence is a company,
.ANI The Virus @ *&&^^% - I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.
ANSHIE @ 25 - I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
SUMA @ 27 - I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must drive faster so that no one will believe it.
LAPSI KAKA @ 29 - I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. AM THE BEST DRIVER IN THE WORLD.. :DDDD
AMIT KULKARNI - RAINMAN @ 31 - I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
DON @ 33 - I've learned that someone should post this on jokes thread. Sometimes peepals just need a little smile.
MANISH LAPSIWALA @ 35 - I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.
VIJAY NAYAK @ 40 - I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.
MUSTEN @ 42 - I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
NATTY @ 42 - I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
RAVINDER BHAN @ 62 I've learned that there are so many people I love dearly but they just don't know how to show it like I can!.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The school now sends the homework over e-mails. And as the children planned there summer vacations, they came up with innovative out-of-home Auto Responses to avoid any homework.
Vince: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of home. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
Rajesh R: Your message has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. A crate of ginger beer can make the mail jump 24 paces.
Musten: I've run away to join a different circus that has some new female Monkeys
CNB: I'm not really out of home. I'm just ignoring you.
Anshie: Sorry to have missed you but I am getting brain transplant done so that I can straight-away go to college.
Karana: Thanks for the recipe that you have sent. I will cook up something and revert.
Shalu: Silence... I Write
Yamini: I am currently out of country and will reply if I fail to get admission outside India.
.ani: Your computer is infected by the .ani virus and therefore, my server is unable to verify message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
Viji: Please sms all your messages to 9812345670
Don: Hi. I'm meditating over what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for the response.
Vijay Nair: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Asheeth: Noted the content of your mail. Am busy preparing my own set of questions.
Merlin: I will be out of home for the next 2 months for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Merlin - The Man' instead!
Oct 10, 2007
Gitika 22
२९. १. ९२
तुमसे यह जुदाई अब सही नही जाती
क्या दिल की हालत है कही नही जाती
तन से जुदा सही, दिलों में नही है दूरी
तुम्हे पाने की तमन्ना भी नही सही जाती
ख़ुद से ज्यादा मुझको तुमपर रहा है यकीन
यह आग ना लगाते तोह, बेखुदी नही जाती
ख़ुद को तुम्हारे पास आने से रोक लेता हूँ
पर उफ़ तुम्हारी यादें... बस यही नही जाती
दिल का सौदा कर पछताना कैसा 'पंकज'
डरता है मोहब्बत से, और आशिकी नही जाती.
तुमसे यह जुदाई अब सही नही जाती
क्या दिल की हालत है कही नही जाती
तन से जुदा सही, दिलों में नही है दूरी
तुम्हे पाने की तमन्ना भी नही सही जाती
ख़ुद से ज्यादा मुझको तुमपर रहा है यकीन
यह आग ना लगाते तोह, बेखुदी नही जाती
ख़ुद को तुम्हारे पास आने से रोक लेता हूँ
पर उफ़ तुम्हारी यादें... बस यही नही जाती
दिल का सौदा कर पछताना कैसा 'पंकज'
डरता है मोहब्बत से, और आशिकी नही जाती.
Gitika 18
८.१.९२
एक ज़माना बीत गया है, तुमसे मुलाकात किए
आ जाओ सुनो आँगन में, सावन की बरसात लिए
रंग बरसों, नूर बरसों, ज़िन्दगानी तर जाए
मरने का भी गम न हो, इतना हर लम्हा जिए
पल भर तुमसे दूर रहना, मुश्किल है बहुत मुश्किल
तनहा दिल हो जाता है, यादों की तूफ़ान लिए
पत्ता पत्ता, बूटा बूटा, हँसता है मेरे पागलपन पे
क्या हो जाता है 'पंकज' तुमसे यूंही बात किए
एक ज़माना बीत गया है, तुमसे मुलाकात किए
आ जाओ सुनो आँगन में, सावन की बरसात लिए
रंग बरसों, नूर बरसों, ज़िन्दगानी तर जाए
मरने का भी गम न हो, इतना हर लम्हा जिए
पल भर तुमसे दूर रहना, मुश्किल है बहुत मुश्किल
तनहा दिल हो जाता है, यादों की तूफ़ान लिए
पत्ता पत्ता, बूटा बूटा, हँसता है मेरे पागलपन पे
क्या हो जाता है 'पंकज' तुमसे यूंही बात किए
Gitika 15
१३.११.९१
किया तुमने, शर्मिंदा मैं हूँ, और सिर उठता नहीं
क्या चाहा था क्या मिला, क्यों मैं मरता नहीं
दुनिया खेलती है नाटक ऐसे, जो सच्चे लगते हैं
अब मैं झूठे लोगों पर, भरोसा करता नहीं
मेहरबानी, मोहब्बत या मज़ाक किया यह तुमने
बस कशमकश में हूँ, दिल को सूझता नहीं
एक मुश्किल से निकाला, दूसरे में डाल दिया
वोह ज़ख्म दिया है तुमने, जो कभी भरता नहीं
बहुत भोला है तू 'पंकज', तेरा गुजर कैसे होगा
पानी में रहकर मगर से, तू क्यों डरता नहीं
किया तुमने, शर्मिंदा मैं हूँ, और सिर उठता नहीं
क्या चाहा था क्या मिला, क्यों मैं मरता नहीं
दुनिया खेलती है नाटक ऐसे, जो सच्चे लगते हैं
अब मैं झूठे लोगों पर, भरोसा करता नहीं
मेहरबानी, मोहब्बत या मज़ाक किया यह तुमने
बस कशमकश में हूँ, दिल को सूझता नहीं
एक मुश्किल से निकाला, दूसरे में डाल दिया
वोह ज़ख्म दिया है तुमने, जो कभी भरता नहीं
बहुत भोला है तू 'पंकज', तेरा गुजर कैसे होगा
पानी में रहकर मगर से, तू क्यों डरता नहीं
Gitika 7
तुम न मिल सके तोह क्या गम है
तुम्हारा अरमान हमें हर दम है
हमें ठुकराने का अंजाम सोचो ज़रा
तुम से हमारी दुनिया कायम है
यह किस मक़ाम पर ले आई जिन्दगी
जख्म तोह हज़ारों हैं, मरहम कम है
हमारा आशियाँ जलाकर तुम्हे रौशनी मिली
शुक्र-ऐ-खुदा, सफल मेरा जीवन है
कैसे कैसे लोग बस गए हैं शहर में
सच्ची बात कहना भी अब सितम है
यह चीज़ भी किस्मत वाले ही पाते हैं
तुम्हारी नफरत ही सही, क्या गम है
तुम्हारा अरमान हमें हर दम है
हमें ठुकराने का अंजाम सोचो ज़रा
तुम से हमारी दुनिया कायम है
यह किस मक़ाम पर ले आई जिन्दगी
जख्म तोह हज़ारों हैं, मरहम कम है
हमारा आशियाँ जलाकर तुम्हे रौशनी मिली
शुक्र-ऐ-खुदा, सफल मेरा जीवन है
कैसे कैसे लोग बस गए हैं शहर में
सच्ची बात कहना भी अब सितम है
यह चीज़ भी किस्मत वाले ही पाते हैं
तुम्हारी नफरत ही सही, क्या गम है
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